dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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