My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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