Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
