Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
