I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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