you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
