were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude i'm inner monologue high
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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