We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
