You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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