If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
