You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
