I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
