so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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