hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
