OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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