i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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