Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
