I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
