He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
