you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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