I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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