he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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