There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
