Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
