I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
