My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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