I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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