I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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