i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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