I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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