I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
