will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
