If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
