he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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