Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
