I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
