thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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