I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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