shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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