she was so not down for the gang bang
This is not my ceiling
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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