For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
