I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
