just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
