Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
