Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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