you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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