Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
