you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
