Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
