I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
