and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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