Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
