Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
