I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
