That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
