is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
