morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
