You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
