I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your penis caused this!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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